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Saturday, 4 March 2017

Embracing The Guilt From Having Had Gay Sex


You're married, you’ve just had a same-sex experience with a guy and now you’re feeling very guilty over it. You’re worried that you may have gone too far in your investigation of male-to-male sexual activity. And what if you’re no longer “clean” as far as your health is concerned. Heaven forbid that you now have something that could be transferred to your wife or partner. And what of breaking that so-called ultimate taboo - of breaking your marriage vows?

In helping to understand how you reached this moment, let’s briefly discuss a scenario that might be similar to yours, or at least will shine some light onto why you’re perhaps having these guilty thoughts.

First Contact – You’re on one of the internet dating sites. Your profile is somewhat anonymous but you have a few thoughts based on all the porn videos you’ve watched that could be of interest to do with the right man. Years of cohabiting tells you that these are things that you would not dare to ask your wife/partner to participate in. They aren’t extreme sexual play but they do cross a moral barrier (water sports, anal penetration, some role play, mild bondage, that sort of thing). Then came the message from a gay guy who said that you checked all the boxes of what he was looking for. You also agreed that it sounded like an ideal match. You made a date and time for a few days ahead, over at his place.

Increased Contact – “Tell me exactly what you like to do” began the first email/message. You responded, and with the meeting not for several days, you both increased the number of messages, each becoming a bit more explicit and enthusiastic about the play boundaries. It’s a liberated feeling writing those messages from your safe world, and so you express some of your deeper thoughts about what could be interesting to try. You each become hornier by the message and can’t wait to share fun sexual times with this rare kindred-spirit. The day can’t arrive soon enough.

The Day Before – But suddenly reality dawns on you that tomorrow you’re actually meeting him. Do you really want to try all those things you discussed or do you just want some naked body contact and a chance to blow your load? Do you really want to be defenceless and tied up in a stranger’s house? Do you really want a huge cock penetrating your near virgin arse?  So, you begin to reverse some of your now extreme sounding sexual deviations. “Please, don’t leave any marks when you spank me.” “On this first visit can we just do....” You hope that he’ll take notice of your new requests. You even think that you should cancel the date, but hey, how long have you waited for a genuine sounding guy to answer your profile advert. You’re not going to give up this amazing opportunity.

The Date – You arrive right on the scheduled time. You’ve douched as best you could. You’re showered. You ring the doorbell. He answers, and he’s as genuine and nice as you imagined him to be. You relax, you chat, you kiss and hug and have another shower with him. You feel totally at home with this gay man. He treats you with respect – and you feel safe. For once in your recent life, you know that he is a like-minded man, and that any sexual activity that is safe is possible. And so, you do role play as Sergeant and Private, you do allow him to tie your hands behind you and to blindfold you, you do enjoy the heightened tactile play that follows (you may add your own scenario at this point). You are now in a world of your own. “Oh, why oh, why can’t sex be like this every time” you tell yourself as you sink even deeper into the ecstatic feelings, leaving all sense of the real world behind you.

When the ties are loosened, you have penetrative sex in the ways that both of you had expressed in the messages. You shoot your load and you slump back onto the bed in exhausted bliss. He was everything that deep inside you hoped he would be. “Gay sex is just THE best” you continue to tell yourself.

Leaving His House – It’s only when the brief post-coital chat is over that you start to come back to reality, back from the Sexual Darkside, the forbidden gay territory. You now have a shower ALONE. The chat over a drink is awkward, as inevitably the conversation includes intrusive questions like “do you still have sex with your wife?  Any kids? Where do you live? What do you work at?” You become defensive as he’s probing YOUR life. On the door-step you both agree it was fun and that “we must do this again”.

But now you are starting to feel the burden of living in two worlds descending on you. You get back in the car to drive home but for a few moments you sit there contemplating “what if he wasn’t as clean as he looked and I’ve got a sexually transmitted disease? What if the wife sees my red buttocks and asks awkward questions? What about crabs? What if I have to perform again tonight with the wife? Can I look her straight in the eye knowing that I’ve been intimate with a man? Confusion begins to reign.

Your Over Reaction – At home you shower again. You totally change your clothes. You avoid conversation with your partner. By later that evening you need to calm your mind. You decide the best solution is to cut off all immediate contact with the man you’ve just played with, so you send him a “thank you – but no further contact” message. In your mind that closes that man’s life safely away from yours, the two worlds never to collide again. Right now, you feel that you need to get all the elements that comprise the happiest aspects of your family life back in to perspective. That’s the world you know best and where you seem to be happiest in – most of the time.

Why Is This Happening - But what underlines all of this mind confusion, your guilt, is the fact that YOU are ALONE. You’re in a place equivalent to no-man’s land. You have no-one with which to share the bewildering pendulum of experiences that happened to you today. You feel that being a straight man you can’t talk to the gay guy because he wouldn’t understand, and anyway, the sex is over and he’s already probably moved on to his next conquest. You have no intimate friend, male or female, who knows anything about you secret sex life nor any friend that would be totally trustworthy with your explosive revelations. And you certainly feel, indeed know, that you can’t talk to your partner as that could bring the whole safe family structure tumbling down and you wouldn’t then even have that to rely on.

A Time of Growth - You are now in a place where you must begin to take greater responsibility for your life and your individual happiness. This place is now a mixture of reality and dreams. Of everyday comfort vs breaking out and growing new experiences. Of making a new life that includes new sexual experiences, new friends, a new way of looking at the world. Of setting up balances that allow all the family life you’re used to with perhaps a little safe sexual fun on the side. Of asking the hard question about the health of your marriage and family life. Of questioning why you have sexual needs that involve other men, and really, how important are they in the overall scheme of things.

Maybe, it is time to acknowledge that you’ve had a wonderful gay experience or three, but really it’s not for you. Quietly returning to the family fold free of further guilt may be just the right answer for you. Your curiosity has been quenched, at least for the time being.

All photos courtesy of Tumblr 
Time To Reassess - Rather than be overwhelmed by guilt, take this as a unique opportunity to reassess what’s valuable in your life, what is missing from it and seek new ways to add value and passion and comfort to it. You are not the first man to face answering the question of “what the f**k was I thinking” when he strayed from the marital bed.

Be totally honest with yourself when you answer the questions of what you ACTUALLY do want. And if male/male sexual contact has been something in your head for most of your life then you need to begin to acknowledge that it is part of your individuality, something so instinctual that given an opportunity, it could even re-define you.

How honestly you answer that inner sexual calling will be to a large degree, the measure of your future happiness. So, use this time of emotional upheaval to privately re-assess your priorities. Does lack of sex at home give you license to seek it elsewhere? Is the sex offered on the other side simply tantalising you with its curiosity? Are you naturally bisexual? Why is sex seemingly more important than a stable happy family life? What sexual scenario would give you peace of mind? Is sexual frustration overwhelming all of the good aspects of your current life?

Once you start taking action towards that scenario that you believe will make you happy, so your guilt will dissipate. 

Disclaimer: All advice and information given here on this blog is general in nature and non-specific to any individual, couple or group. You are encouraged to seek your own independent professional medical, psychological and counselling advice. No endorsement of unlawful actions is intended or implied. No photo used implies any endorsement of this blog in any way. 


THE VERSATILE HUSBAND: Live Your Passion  
My book briefly examines why as sexually frustrated men we feel the way we do and what can be done to improve the situation. Particularly useful for any married man who needs more detail  before deciding whether or not to sexually play with men. If and when you decide to seek and enjoy sex with other like-minded men the book also covers everything you will want to know about finding them, safely playing with them and having more sexual enjoyment than you might have imagined.

e-book and paperback at Amazon.com or
paperback only at your favourite online or local bookstore.

For a plain unidentifiable eBook cover edition go tohttp://www.amazon.com/Versatile-Husband-Plain-Cover-ebook/dp/B009V5AXEI

"A straightforward, practical guide for men in heterosexual relationships who'd like to explore sex with other men. Frank, honest and understanding."Kirkus Reviews






Friday, 9 September 2016

Leather and Lingerie: A Slutty Sissy Whore Sex Adventure

There are many men who enjoy wearing women's underwear just for the pleasure of its tactile feel. 

For some it will also extend their emotional attachment to their softer side, where they can enjoy the relaxed fantasy world of role play. And where, for once, they are the centre of attraction, the desired woman, the femme fatale lusted after by men who desire femininity mixed with their testosterone heterosexuality and/or bisexuality.

For others, role-playing the female slut is a desirable outcome. Through internet connections I have verbally been introduced to that world of rich sexual textures by a practitioner of the art. The heady mix of male leather domination played out with a strong bisexual slutty whore male is one rarely spoken of, let alone described.

In a broad-minded second heterosexual relationship (and that's frequently important in order to live out repressed sexual deviation roles) this man is living his deepest sexual desires as a dominant male in that relationship. Mild bondage, sex toys, poppers (amyl) and role play are just some of enjoyments he and his female companion enjoy.

But there's also the flip side of the relationship - the desire to be the one dominated, to be the sissy slut, take on the traditional role of whore where dominating men don't ask, they just sexually take whatever they want - and that includes no respect for how they take it.

"I can only be a slutty sissy whore with a man that also enjoys the fantasy" he wrote to me.

In his own words this is how he described the encounter with a broadminded - and like-minded - leather man he met on an online dating site....

"Just writing to you to let you know of my latest sex adventure. Met an older man at his place after we chatted for a few days... He enjoys younger men who are subs and enjoy being fem and sissy....it was exactly what I was looking for... He was waiting for me at his front door in a tight leather g string with a bottle of poppers for me to take...I took a few whiffs and we were right into kissing and fondling ourselves...it was wild... He ordered me to go and clean my cock and balls and pussy in front of him, he would inspect me as I soaped myself up, I would wash myself and he would smell and finger my pussy...it was quite erotic and sensual...after he was satisfied and ordered me to put on a silky sexy black lingerie set and put on a black leather collar. As I put on the lingerie, I could see his cock becoming rock hard, as I transformed into his whore.... He took hold of the leash and made me crawl towards his spare room which was actually a sling room, all it had in the centre was a black leather sling with a table full of lubes dildos and gag balls... He put a gag ball on me and proceeded to
rim me open legged on the sling, his tongue felt so good on my pussy. He expertly licked my balls leaving lots of saliva, he spat on my pussy and began opening me up....he went to the table and put a cock ring on me, my balls become so big and hard, it was wild. He put on some really sexy music and lots of erotic incense while a transexual movie played on the tv.... Mmmmm he started with a tiny vibrator then gradually moved on till he had a ribbed black one inside, felt so good as he fed me plastic and lube... I couldn't say anything accept moan thru the gag ball and dribbling all over... My cock was gushing precum all over and he knew that
All photos courtesy Tumblr
because he kept playing with my foreskin over and over.... He had a mirrored wall and I could see his cock fully erected, he put so much lube, it was all over his beautiful member then climbed on top of me, kissed me, licked my face, left it full of saliva and started to push in, in one strong manly push he went in all the way and fucked me furiously, the room was hot with the central heating making our manly passion burn with sweat, I was dripping sweat, saliva, precum, lube as he pumped me like a slut.... He finished all over my sweat covered face...it was so good... And collapsed on top of me exhausted dripping in manly sweat mixing with mine, we kissed like savages, tongues, spit .... I ended cumming on his mouth and he swallowed it all.... What a fuck......"

Disclaimer: All advice and information given here on this blog is general in nature and non-specific to any individual, couple or group. You are encouraged to seek your own independent professional medical, psychological and counselling advice. No endorsement of unlawful actions is intended or implied  


A STRAIGHT MAN’S GUIDE TO SAME SEX HOOK-UPS: How And Where To Find Your Man 

When it is time to have sex with men, you need answers! 

Don't f**k up the potentially hottest sex time in your life by not knowing the facts. I'm the ex-married gay man who writes this blog, so I'm sharing my experiences with you in this easy-to-read ebook so that your sex with guys can be brilliant and always available. 

It's the best couple of dollars you'll ever invest!

ebook download at:


THE VERSATILE HUSBAND: Live Your Passion This is a more comprehensive version of A STRAIGHT MAN’S GUIDE TO SAME SEX HOOK-UPS and includes examining why as sexually frustrated men we feel the way we do and what can be done to improve the situation. Particularly useful for any married man who needs more detail  before deciding whether or not to sexually play with men.

e-book and paperback at Amazon.com or
paperback only at your favourite online or local bookstore.

For a plain unidentifiable eBook cover edition go tohttp://www.amazon.com/Versatile-Husband-Plain-Cover-ebook/dp/B009V5AXEI

"A straightforward, practical guide for men in heterosexual relationships who'd like to explore sex with other men. Frank, honest and understanding."Kirkus Reviews




Tuesday, 5 July 2016

Nude Night at the Gay Bathhouse/Sauna

Sixty or more guys of all ages, totally naked in a confined area, all seeking unashamed hot sex. That's what a Nude Night (or afternoon) at a gay bathhouse/sauna is like. At other times, modesty prevails as men on the hunt wear towels to hide their sexual assets. But at towel-less sessions everything is on display for all to view, consider and then if interested, chase after. Erections, thick cocks, shy cocks, uncut cocks, shaved pubes, hairy butts - they're all on display - and more.

At these events it's all about sex and often that means anonymous group sex. It's NOT an occasion for slow sex sessions with perhaps a conversation included. No! It's about getting off now, with as many guys as you care to share, about having physical contact and insertion without caring too much about who, what or why. When there's an orifice, a mouth, a penis available for use, then go with it.

It's a very friendly event as guys are there because of their sexual and naked confidence. They want to do as gay men have done for generations and that is have multiple, abandoned, anonymous and pleasurable group sex with one another in the time honored tradition. It's all masculine testosterone driven and it's all about satisfying the sex drive, the frustrations of relationships (both male and female) and the lack of male intimacy and bonding that pervades so many men's lives. It's about giving, receiving and enjoying without making judgement. There's precious few other places where naked men can bond in such an open display of masculinity and camaraderie of like-minds.

There's the crowded corridors where you can brush past other naked guys, touch and smile, make eye and verbal contact, start some action. Cubicle doors are often left open to invite the voyeur and the next participant into the established on-going action. The dark rooms specialize in men with their naked butts in the air inviting the next punter to use his ass for as long as he wants to. It's a high turnover affair with an unwritten law that sees many a participant notching up a considerable number of sexual encounters before considering cumming. It's about how many men ride the guy who wants to be gang-banged. About how many guys can I fuck in one night. It's about numbers rather than quality.

All photos courtesy tumblr
Exhibitionism is everywhere. It's not a time for the shy man - there's quite simply nowhere to hide. It's a great opportunity for the 'average' guy to get to see and play with guys who he would normally not get to first base with. It's frequently about whoever is next to you will do for the moment before moving on to the next opportunity. It's about hearing and watching sex taking place just as much as participating. It's an erotic and stimulating environment for the senses. The reality is that there are such events as these that you can participate in and not just fantasize about.

The event is also a sexual reality check. Is the reality of being nude in front of sixty or more guys uncomfortable or liberating? Is bareback sex going to give you guilt? Is the intimacy of one-on-one sex that takes time and includes conversation more satisfying than multiple anonymous encounters? Do poppers/amyl and/or alcohol assist in abandoning your inhibitions? When you give oral are you worried about where it might have just been (and I don't mean just freshly showered).

It's also about bareback sex and the issues especially for transmission of sexual infections. My observation is that while condoms are available, they're infrequently used. This means there's a higher risk than normal of going home with an extra unwanted STI (sexually transmitted infections) or crabs.

So if a sexual male play-space with so many uninhibited naked men as you can handle is what you're looking for, then check out the gay sauna/bathhouse in your city and chances are you'll find a night or afternoon where it's naked action. These events tend to attract a much higher number of men than on normal nights, and that can only mean a wider variety of like-minded guys are waiting for you to show-up and get your gear off too. Have fun!
Disclaimer: All advice and information given here on this blog is general in nature and non-specific to any individual, couple or group. You are encouraged to seek your own independent professional medical, psychological and counselling advice. No endorsement of unlawful actions is intended or implied  


A STRAIGHT MAN’S GUIDE TO SAME SEX HOOK-UPS: How And Where To Find Your Man 

When it is time to have sex with men, you need answers! 

Don't f**k up the potentially hottest sex time in your life by not knowing the facts. I'm the ex-married gay man who writes this blog, so I'm sharing my experiences with you in this easy-to-read ebook so that your sex with guys can be brilliant and always available. 

It's the best couple of dollars you'll ever invest!

ebook download at:


THE VERSATILE HUSBAND: Live Your Passion This is a more comprehensive version of A STRAIGHT MAN’S GUIDE TO SAME SEX HOOK-UPS and includes examining why as sexually frustrated men we feel the way we do and what can be done to improve the situation. Particularly useful for any married man who needs more detail  before deciding whether or not to sexually play with men.

e-book and paperback at Amazon.com or
paperback only at your favourite online or local bookstore.

For a plain unidentifiable eBook cover edition go tohttp://www.amazon.com/Versatile-Husband-Plain-Cover-ebook/dp/B009V5AXEI

"A straightforward, practical guide for men in heterosexual relationships who'd like to explore sex with other men. Frank, honest and understanding."Kirkus Reviews